Going Shopping

Thanks so much J for sending me the article from Motherlode the other day! I can relate, so I thought I would post my own experience with CJ at the grocery store. Let me fill everyone else in - the article (a blog post)was from a mother with an autistic boy and their trip to the grocery store. As I was reading it I saw myself and CJ and our own trials through this weekly experience. Here is what a trip to the grocery store is like for us some of the times.

Typically as we are getting ready to head out the door for any outing, I review with CJ a little list of dos and don'ts: Mama says "use a quiet voice, no yelling, no hitting. If someone says hi to you and you don't want to talk just say no thank you." Then off we go. CJ is a great helper - holding the list - looking for what we need and putting it in the cart. Almost always someone notices him and will comment on what a great helper he is or how cute - and he will yell , "AHHHH" while jumping up and down and flapping his arms (stemming). I say, "Please no yelling." He yells, "Yes please yelling!" Then the look comes from the person - the look that says you're a bad mother, or he is a spoiled kid, or how can you let your kid get away with that, or....the list goes on. Sometimes CJ will be the one to initiate conversation with a stranger saying, Hi! or How are you. Of course, the unknown smiles and responds - then CJ will yell and the above happens again. By the time we are at checkout he is done with the noise, lights, people often making this the worst part of our outing. The checkout ladies and baggers will try and engage him in conversation and he yells..then I get the look. This is the point that will be so anxious or frustrated that he hits himself. I try to calm him by reminding him of something he is trying to earn. But in the heat of the moment none of this matters to him.

Now it is not like this every time - sometimes we get in and out without much yelling, stemming, or hitting. We get in the car and I say, "What a great job, Buddy - no yelling no hitting! I'm proud of you." And he says ,"Yes Yelling, yes hitting!" Then he falls apart at home because he held it together in the store.

Some of you are probably saying, then why take him to the store? I take him because going to the store is a part of life. Something he needs to learn to get through. He will probably always have some good shopping experiences and some bad ones. If I think he is having a really bad day, then I do leave him home. On those days I know that having this life experience of grocery shopping isn't worth the frustration that he is feeling at that moment in time. Other times, I have no idea until we are in the store that it is going to be bad. And then there are those times that it is all good. If it were up to CJ he would never go anywhere. Home is safe, no judgement, the same routine/expectations. Outside of home is a scary place for him, but still a part of life that he needs.

As I finish this up, I am already planning today's trip to the store. It will be a short one, as our list is short. The weather is great and there is a promise of bike riding after the store. Today will be a good trip - this is what I tell myself every time and sometimes I'm right:)